Thursday, September 15, 2016

Five Things 'a Lot of People Say' About Donald Trump

Happy Thursday, Friends,

Buhlieve me, there are YUGE things about Donald Trump you don't get from the news. I've heard what so 'many amazing people say' about him everywhere I go, and they're big time--enough to make you flap your arms for exercise.

So this morning, with the presidential race in a dead heat, I decided to post the top five things those elusive 'many people' are saying about him. Or, as an homage to the candidate himself, I might just be making them up.

Anyway, here they are. Enjoy:

1. Trump's spray-on tan has a brand name. It called "Orangu" Tan.

When he blushes, as he did yesterday after a black preacher stopped him short for trying to give a political speech in her Flint, MI church, he turns blaze orange.

2. He has completely embraced the criticism that his hands are abnormally small.

To emphasize they are the proper size for a man half a foot shorter than himself, he now has his jacket sleeves lengthened by two inches to make them look even tinier.

3. The Donald is incredibly cheap. Not only does he give exclusively OPM (Other People's Money) to charity, but he buys all his clothes at The Mens' Wearhouse and has his tailor sew Armani labels in them.

"Someday, I'm going to marry that woman!"
4. He has a God complex.

Trump instructed all of his children to marry Jews, and the three oldest have followed his instructions. Even 21-year-old Tiffany has a Jewish boyfriend, and so far, Trump has eight Jewish grandchildren.

There is a method to this madness.

After he's incinerated the world in his third year as President, he, his staff, and his family will be the only ones left on earth.

He intends to repopulate the world starting with the 12 Tribes of Judaism, of which he will be the patriarch.

Makes sense.

5. He's somewhat clairvoyant.

When he was 21, The Donald made his first trip to Eastern Europe with his dad, Fred.

While touring the Slovenian countryside, they were invited to attend the Christening of a newly born baby girl.

Virtually everyone in the village was at the ancient ramshackle Orthodox church for the ceremony, and Trump was extremely moved. He then got a close look at the tiny infant they were there to name.

He was absolutely smitten.

To this day, nearly 50 years later, villagers claim they clearly overheard Donald Trump say, "Someday, I'm going to marry that woman!"

Do I need to tell you what they named the baby?


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